Monday, December 15, 2008

A Lesson Of Patience and Love

through another practice..
nowadays everytime I hear the word practice..
I get scared..
Because I believe there is much more they can do and they can do soooo much better than what they're doing now..
but from what I can see..
They just don't understand..
If they understood that all of this is For God.. It is ALL FOR HIS GLORY..
They won't be doing this like it's just a game and only if we're doing recording..
they 'll be all excited happy but they still don't do well..
This is what I call SELFISH.
I don't mean to say that.. but what else can I call this kind of act?
they joke around fool around and don't do well.. I'm all heartbroken .. wasting of time asking them to shut up and listen.. and they get mad at me?
What Can I do about this?
Let's not practice.. ain't that good?
aren't you happy now?
I'm so glad that I hold it down..and I thank god for not letting me shout n scream!
for my mind was exploding when they're all in noises..
Meanwhile , we still have one more fresh new scene to go.. but the first 4 is still a piece of CRAP when it is suppose to be an art filled with god's miracle ..
It's as if I'm on top of a hill that is so steep that I've got to grip tightly or not I'll fall..
everyone asked me to give up on the last scene.. give up on them..
I'm like no.. I trusted them.. I believed that they cud do so well..
and I am not going to doubt it.. it's not my decision to give up.. but god's decision..
only he can make me give up on them..
this is how things are now..
But I thank god..
why? Because at least he gave me these people..
Because without them.. there won't be this Musical..
and there will be no costume no nothing..
without them.. we will not be able to give anything to him after all his blessings.
I thank god for I can see full commitments from Jun Lv.. for he came from such a long distance for practices.. amazing .. god bless him..
n I thank god for giving me Eric Yan Yin Sing and Yee Kin .. they came nearly every practice..
I give praise to the lord for he have given me Mei Si , Sharon, SJ when I needed them the most..
I sing Hallelujah when god gave me Si Haw , SY and Rocky when I thought they couldn't help..
last but not least ..
I dance for he has given me Worm and Edgar to add up my faith..
In the end. I pray lord.. bless them all.. even when they didn't do well at all..
they haven't gave all their best.. as every1 can see..
they may be selfish when it comes to themselves..
but lord.. we are human..
Humans are weak..
Lord please show mercy and Be with us..
Don't give up on me..
lord , let me see ,let me see that you're smilling back at me..
Praise the Lord..
Lord, You Are My Shepherd.. From now towards the end of the world..
I end my blog today with a verse from the bible..
Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Indeed , my heart is crying out loud.. Crying in Pain..
I'm feeling as if my heart is ripping apart..
My eyes are teary.. my nose is blocking..
It's like a part of me is dying..
I'm losing strength..
People are selfish.. but .. how..
how can they be so incredibly selfish..
Don't they care.. care about how others feel..
I'm so tired of it..
God.. Please lord.. Please.. Save me..
the ones who have been mocked , that have been hurt by other because of you shall be proud of themselves..
but lord.. it's a painful and slow sluggish time..
When I'm talking no one hears.. no one give their best..
God.. You can see..
may you open their eyes as well..
when their practicing.. there are only complains complains n more complains..
why couldn't they just stop and listen ..
Time is short.. we're racing against it..
but they seem to not know..
they just do whatever they want hear if they're feeling good today..
n now.. their telling me.. they know their not good enough and they think theres not enough practice.. they're not good enough and as if I'm just a tool they'll find in use when they need it..
I gave all I could.. Time Brain power strength voice prayers..
but what have they did..
I really don't know lord.. I don't know how to move on..
There is a heart breaking thought of letting it go..
but when I think of what god gave me..
all the precious blessings..
I wish to go on.. I want to walk on..
I've poured out my love for them.. but they have not noticed..
lord .. I'm drying out of love..
lord today.. fill me with your love once again..
Give me strength ..
guide me lead me..
You have led me so far..
Don't give up on me..
Don't turn away from me..
Lord I pray that we can give our best to you..
And lord please forgive them..
they don't know what they're doing to me..
although I feel heart broken and I believe lord you know how it feels..
but lord.. today .. I pray for mercy ..
God forgive them forgive me..
Cover us with your precious blood..
I feel so tired.. no one.. NO ONE can understand..
I guess they will never know ..
I still want to give thanks although I feel so tired..
so sad.. I cried out so hard..
lord.. you are still with me..
and I believe you will not leave me..
Not now.. n Not ever..
lord today.. I've said it out..
for years I kept it to myself n between us..
in Jesus name I pray Amen.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thank God

I've been so busy lately..
For everything ..
Musical , fellowship , time for my friends , choir etc.etc.
I've used up all my time for these things.. but I forgotten one thing that is sooo important..
I've forgotten to talk to my lord , to learn his words..
Sins n wrongs I made I apologize to Lord..
Lord please don't take away all the hard times from me..
Because only through this I can come to you ..
But Please be with me when I am in it..
The Blood You shed for us 2000 years ago..
Lord today, please wash away my sins ( for not having a close relationship with you lately ) with your precious blood..
in Jesus name I pray . Amen .
Lately.. I have been listening to this song..
a Chinese Christian song..勇敢走出去..
it is so touching n I sang it in my heart everyday day to night..
for it had told me to go.. Just let go n walk out of here..
Go to the lost ones..
Bring love to them ..
I have been giving all I can.. for I know..
that's all I can do.. Let god do all the rest..
for He works in His marvellous ways..
I LOVE GOD so much that I feel that He fills me up with His love..
He's blessings cherish my everyday..
He is the Living Bread..
n I'm eating it.. I'm going to share it.
May all the ones who hears about the living bread do not hesitate to take a bite..
Eat him up..
Let him lead u guide u give u strength ..
let Him be your best listener n advisor..
Today I tell my friends.. You're blessed like how I am..
I am nothing today without my God my Lord my Shepherd..
Hallelujah.. Praise the Lord..
In His Love We are brothers n sisters and his name shall be told throughout the whole world..

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Amazing Grace

Past few weeks.. I hav been going through massive depression lost of faith and all kinds of sadness one person can go through in their whole life..
I have been thinking so much that I can feel that my brain is about to burst into bits..
but then I thought..
what else can I do but Pray..
so I prayed prayed n prayed even harder.. waiting n hoping for a miracle to happened..
but even more trial came to face..
I felt all the pressure and no one not even one person can feel or understand how it feels..
just when I thought..
since I prayed.. I told god that I want him to lead me and give me strength..
I shouldn't go all over it right? it's unfair that I say I'm giving him and letting him take control when I'm still holding on tightly..
so I let it go.. I skipped once.. I cancelled one practice..
my heart was breaking and it kept me awake at nights..
but I kept on praying.. n this is when I decided..
JUST LET IT GO.. LET IT BE.. I believe.. although I CAN'T.. but I believe GOD CAN !
Amen !
Through this week.. things fell into place.. it's so unbelieveble..
it gone so smooth and amazing..
I was shocked of this miracle work..
and miraculously today's practice went great and the best part of it was when 9 ppl attended today's practice.. which is out of my expectations..
It is truly a blessing.. and I truly believe god's blessings is more than enuff ^^
I told a friend of mine..
Although I lost my voice today due to shouting loudly about the play so that ppl cud hear..
but it still went great n it is sooo worth it..
Even though alot of ppl pulled out n even a friend I truly trusted..
I still walked on n with faith everything went well.. For sure He works in His way..
Although I lost faith halfway .. I told myself.. I really CAN'T do this.. but I believe GOD CAN..
n here it goes.. his blessings came pouring down like a waterfall..
it's just so beautiful and amazing..

I always like to say.. I am TRULY BLESSED..
further on..
I cried my lungs out to god when I was so depressed through the week..
it is as if I was so sad that I couldn't give my best to god..
so I told god..
If you want me to walk on this rocky road.. please lord..
Lead me n guide me.. Be With Me..
and now.. As everyone can see.. HE IS WITH ME..
what can I fear when he is with me.. what can hold me back if he wants me to go..
what can make me not go on when he is holding me..

but to take into account..
I wouldn't think it's just a happy thingy as she says..
it was a hard and a week filled with pressure and sadness crushing on me..
and Only after all the depression emptiness and faith test..
glory goes to Him n blessings cum slamming down hard on me..
this is how it goes..
the happiness don't cum without test.. without satan's trap..
but right after.. faith hope love n blessings cums running through every cell of yours in ur body..
and oh dear..
that is the one and only kind of peace n joy you can ever long for..
At that very moment..
I knew what heaven was n how heaven is like..
and from now on..
I could only pray for every step of mine is in His presence..
Pray that everything I do is a work that could glorify my lord's precious name
Praise The Lord..
take care everyone..
may what I share today is a blessing to the ones who received..